The One Where I Talk About My Mother

Apparently I'm a "boomerang kid".

I just found this term today while I was Googling: "What to do when you were forced to move back in with your mother, who hates you and makes no effort to hide it, because you wanted to take this course that costs a ton of money which you just wouldn't have paying rent and bills on your crappy income, so you move back in for what's supposed to be 3 months but then your sister announces she is getting married in a few months so you can't exactly leave the country and miss her wedding or afford to leave and come back due to aforementioned crappy job."

So ya, there's that.

I've been back at home for not quite 4 months after living on my own for 4 years and with a roommate/boyfriend for 4 years before that.

8 years of independence, 4 months to make me feel like a rebellious, repressed teenager. My mother loves saying things like: "you're too old to be living at home" and "you're 20something years old and STILL living at home" and "find somewhere else to live" and "I let you live with me" and oh god I could go on. And on.

The thing is if I could think of any other option where I could save money for the next few months and then keep my stuff somewhere while I'm away for a few years, ANY other option. I would in a heartbeat.

My mother is one of the most difficult people on earth to live with. She snaps at the smallest things (one time she told me she HATES me and then didn't talk to me for a week (a full week) because I microwave shit in Tupperware. Apparently you aren't supposed to microwave your microwaveable containers. WTF.)

She also constantly calls me a drama queen, a princess and all the things that make you think of a spoiled little teenager. She's "joked around" that she should have had an abortion, in front of a good friend of mine, who, after meeting my mother once, is shocked that I turned out normal and with a sense of humor at that.

Meanwhile, my sisters (who are also in their 20s) live at home, never buy groceries, expect my mother to make dinner every night and never offer to help, and have never lived anywhere but home. Yet they seem to not get as much of the wrath as I do.

See, I'm even starting to sound like a teenager!

Honestly though, I do dishes, I buy groceries, I make dinner some nights, and I spend a lot of time keeping to myself.

Yet my mother brings up that I'm living at home and when I say something about my sisters being there she says "Well SL is saving for her wedding and getting married this year and SK is saving for her masters" in a tone that implies I'm worthless although I'm saving to start a new life in a different country and after living on my own for 8 years, since I'm taking a little saving money break, that makes me a horrible person.

Sorry for this rant, I'm just so frustrated. Anyone experienced anything like this?


I'm to the point where I want to just apply for positions in Costa Rica now and just hope I can get time off for my sister's wedding. If I don't though, I'm basically punishing my sister and myself because my mother is insufferable.

And I'm literally miserable around her.


OG said...

That sounds awful. Unfortunately I have no good advice for you. I moved home for six months after college and it was the most uncomfortable six months of my life. I would not do it again and I have respect for anybody who is in that situation.

I'm no psychiatrist, but it sounds like your mother might have some serious emotional issues. I feel sorry for her if she can't enjoy having her daughters living with her.

Matt said...

start putting small amounts of pine sol in her food everyday?


All I can say is that I know EXACTLY how you feel right now- Im probably a boomerang kid myself.

Pam said...

I know exactly how you feel. I moved out of my parent's home as soon as I could when I went to university. But, at 33 I found myself with 2 kids and going through a divorce and having literally nowhere ELSE safe to go.
God did I get hell day and night from the minute I came to their home (all from my mother). I paid rent, I bought food, I made sure my kids' stuff was paid for by ME (including a full time babysitter) and I never went out and left them with the kids to look after,and paid 1/2 the bills... but I was still an intruder.

When I did move out again I never looked back. My parents used to have a good relationship with my kids, now they rarely if ever see them (in the 1.5 years since we moved out the kids have been to their grandparents' 1 night) -- they would rather visit my brother in Edmonton (we're in SK) than drive 30 mins to see me and my kids.

Just remind yourself it is temporary and don't lose sight of the goals... if you can stand it. Its a hard situation, but you don't sound like you intend to be there forever. At least you know where you stand with your mother now...

Bathwater said...

Yes #1 when I moved out of my parents house don't do it till you know you will never have to come back. I waited till I was 23, bought my first place and thankfully never had to come back.

BeckEye said...

I recently left NYC to move back to Pittsburgh and since I don't have a steady job, I've had to move back in with my dad. Luckily he doesn't hate me and we are very close. Still, it's hard to go back to that place no matter what the circumstances because it's giving up independence and sort of reverting to a child-like state.

Although, in my case, my dad is 81 and had heart surgery not too long ago, so I also kind of look at this as a way to keep an eye on him and make sure he's not lonely. He'd been living alone for a long time.

Rahul said...

You can move to LA. We'll go to the Grove, laugh at celebrities and toilet paper my ex's house because she is a no good lying WHORE that went around behind..

Um, so Canada, eh?

idhappens said...

I moved back with my parents for 6 months, and it one of darkest, most miserable times of my life. Not to sound like a drama queen or anything...
It's just like you said: I regressed back to being a teenager. After meeting them, my friends (and also my former boss!) couldn't believe I turned out OK & with a good sense of humor. It also ruined my relationship with my parents. Haven't talked to them in months. They didn't come to my wedding.

Not that this happens to every boomerang kid, but I would suggest getting out as fast as possible. For the sake of your sanity, happiness, and preserving some semblance of a relationship with your family.

Best of luck!

yllwdaisies said...

I'm relieved to see that everyone goes through this. The only way I coped w/ it when I had to do it, was by staying out after work. I would just say I was working late (which I did), then go out w/ work friends after, dinner, karaoke, anything to stay out. Then, by the time I got in, no time to talk b/c I had to get up at 6:30 am for the next day.

Found stuff to do to stay out of the house through the weekend.

Yes, you spend $ on food & all, but we have happy hours specials on apps (which are like a meal). Or, I'd bring an extra sandwich.

lbluca77 said...

I think your mother and my mother might be related. If I had to move home it would probably be exactly how you described it. But me and my mom rarely talk, which works fine for me.

Good luck and remember it is just temporary.

Carissa said...

I've experienced something similar! I'm in my mid twenties and just moved back into my mother's after 5 years of being out on my own in an attempt to save some enough to buy a place. And my siblings come and go expecting meals, groceries, and cleaning to be done for them. But unfortunately I don't have any suggestions for you... just empathy.