When Alice invited me to* do a guest post on this here little web diary of hers, she didn't tell me I'd actually have to come up with the post on my own. I mean, I'm new to this guest post crap. I thought, you know, since she invited me, she'd, like, leave me some material and I'd just type it out or edit it or whatever. I dunno. I was all, pshaa, bring it on! Easy peazy, beezy!
But then I got here and nothing. There's nothing to greet me but wilting plants and strange-looking people. I effing hate you, Alice. You and this dumb mediocre town.
So, I guess I have to pull from my magical box I lovingly call "Oh Shit What The Hell Is There To Write About Today?" Yeah, I know what you're thinking--this is gonna be good. Strap in, monkeys.
About a month ago I was searching The Google for something I can't even recall now, and a really strange sponsored ad popped up on the right side that had nothing to do with what I searched for. So, because I am made mostly of things like "awesome" and "more awesome" and "no godforsaken life whatsoever," I started punching in random search queries to see if The Google could make me laugh.
Well, my wishes came true. Enjoy this little Average-Land foray into Ridiculous Google Sponsored Ads.
Search term: fetish smelly feet
As expected, really. Niiice.
Search term: cows
What questions could this survey possibly ask?
Search term: grey hair
Yes, calm the eff down, google searcher. Jesus, get a grip, would you?
Search term: ham radio
Don't we all aspire to be hams?
Search term: I hate you
Interesting sales tactic. Reminds me of my blog, actually.
Search term: dry cleaning
This wouldn't be funny except for the word "extreme." HOLY SHIT! SOME CRAZY ASS DRY CLEANIN' START UP TIPS, PARTY PEOPLE!
Search term: puke
Shop around, people. Don't pay too much.
Search term: senior citizen
I don't know if you can find one in particular (Grandma?), or if you just have to take the next one available...
Search term: look young
The shittiest sponsored ad ever. FAIL. (Is that even a real website? powerWIGHT? WTF?)
Search term: sucks
The best sponsored ad ever. WIN.
Search term: toilet paper
I'm most interested in the reviews.
Search term: advertise website
Hmmm. Maybe the owner of that top ad should rethink things.
and, last but not least:
Search term: weight loss
Way to motivate, google ad. Way to motivate. Nice work.
All right, that's all, ladies and gentlescrotums. If you enjoyed this, then you will surely** enjoy the other daily nonsense I type on my blog, so maybe it's time you stopped reading Alice's stupid little diary here and read mine instead! SHHHH! Don't tell her I said that!
Seriously, though, don't tell her or I will hunt you down, I swear to god. Don't even try me, loser!
* demanded that I
** most likely not
