Monday

I Had A Dream...

Not that kind of dream, as much as I want to change the world I'm not quite at that highly intellectual level of thinking where I actually have a plan to do so, but I digress.

No, the dream I had was one in which I had a child. Not just had a child but was pregnant with said child, gave birth and then had a baby. Who then grew into a small walking non-talking entity. She was super cute but seriously WTF?!

I read somewhere that if you dream you're pregnant your body is trying to tell you something (like, um, that you're PREGNANT). Now I'm normally fairly good with my birth control; Nuvaring - love it! Seriously ladies this is the birth control of the future. I've tried the Pill (ugh, who can remember that shit? I can't remember to take my diet pills with every meal for a week to drop 5 pounds for houseboating - how the hell can I remember a pill every. Single. Day. No thanks). I've tried the Depo shot and if I had a horrible enemy girl that I hated I might inject her with it in her sleep if she was extra super bitchy or something but other then that I wouldn't give that thing to anyone. I gained 35 pounds in a month (thank gawd I've lost THAT), I had super PMS (all the time) and mood swings like you wouldn't believe. Um, ya no wonder it's 98 percent accurate. Who the hell wants to sleep with a fat bitchy girl? So I would say Nuvaring is the way to go.

ANYWAY, this month I was LESS then careful. As in I didn't put it in. At. All. Whoops. Anyway O/N and I had a drunken night (broken shower? Check. Broken bed? Check. Birth control? uhh...not so much) but I wasn't really worried about it because I think I may be infertile anyway. Until I had a DREAM about being fucking pregnant.

Anyway I woke up in a bit of a panic and telling myself that I was definitely pregnant because I feel fat and bloaty, I've been eating like crap all weekend and had cravings for weird things, oh gawd and when was my period due...??

Today.

Oh. Right. I guess that would explain all the bad food and fatness. Lets just say I've never been so happy to be sportin and if you read Mean Girls Guide to Glory you will get that reference. http://thegloriouslifeof.blogspot.com/2008/02/what-we-mean-girls-are-really-saying.html

I guess that's what my body was telling me with the pregnancy dream.

My apologies to the boys who read this. Some things you just have to get off your chest.

5 comments:

Lyla Lou said...

Ack! It's like you pulled personal experiences right outta my head and typed them up! Depo was the worst, and I've been in the I'm lazy, shit what do I do now, situations. But when I had a dream about a baby, it looked like a pig/puppy and I woke up sad that I didn't have a puppy that looked like a pig=(
I just might have to try the nuva, always wanted to and I've missed a pill here and there, way too many times!

Lilo said...

We have all had those months when we thank the sweet baby jesus that we are sporting.

The Alleged Ringleader said...

At least pregnant would be an excuse for being fat and eating like a pig like I did all weekend!

It's one of those times where you are PROUDLY sportin the red ribbon all week ;)

Angela said...

Haha, that link to the Mean Girl's Webster dictionary gave me a really good laugh. Anyway, glad to hear you're Sportin' this week! Now you'll really remember your nuvaring, won't you?

voiceinmyhead said...

just stumbled across your blog, good stuff!! you had me cracking up with your "Um, ya no wonder it's 98 percent accurate. Who the hell wants to sleep with a fat bitchy girl? "
SO true, depo is some sort of nightmare invented by a man who wants to prevent pregnancy by keeping us from ever getting laid.