Divorce - Fun for the Whole Family!

I should probably explain my last post so I don't just look like Debbie-Downer over here.

I went to my parents house on Sunday, like I do every week. My parents are getting divorced but they still live together, like they have for 27 years. They each have their own living room, and they don't sleep in the same bedroom - it's been like that for years.

They still eat meals together with my younger sisters. My dad does most of the housework since he's semi-retired and my mom resents him for it since she's 9 years younger and still has to work.

My mother is an alcoholic but even when she isn't drinking she can be truly mean. The last three Sundays I've been over there she's found a reason to start a fight with me. Not just a minor fight but she starts yelling at me, slamming doors and generally just makes me cry.

Then she has the nerve to ask my younger sisters why I haven't been spending time with her lately, and tells them I'm on my dad's SIDE (like we're children and have to choose sides).

The difference is that my dad almost never talks about the divorce. When he talks about my mother, it's like he feels sorry for her. He reminds us that she loves us and he never says anything about her unless she is being particularly mean.

My dad is not by any means perfect. He can be controlling and he has a short temper. You can tell his way of "fighting" against my mom is by being the calm parent. I don't see anything wrong with that.

The reason I don't like hanging out with my mom lately is because all she talks about is how bad of a person my dad is. Or she'll talk about some aspect of the divorce, throwing it out there like it's such an improvement in her life.

She sorted the Christmas ornaments into "her" pile and "his" pile, organized hers neatly in special boxes and left his in a jumbled pile. Then she felt the need to show off how much bigger her pile was. She acts like a child.

I think my mother is pushing me away because she knows if it came down to it, I would hang out with my dad more then her. She's hard to deal with and I'm so sick of hearing about how bad of a person my dad is.

I'm sick of hearing her plans for divorce, I'm sick of hearing about how my dad plans to screw her in the divorce proceedings (he doesn't want to hire lawyers, he wants to just settle it - "you take your things, I take mine". She has a divorce lawyer and it seems like she WANTS things to get nasty. She wants him to be miserable). I'm sick of hearing about SIDES and whose SIDE we're on. I'm sick of being around her.

If that means I've chosen my dad's side, well so be it.


Waiting for Spring

"It can only get better" they say tritely
"Next year will be different"
"Things have to start looking up for you"

Every year I go through these bouts. These periods where my mind can't stop thinking negatively. I want to curl in a ball on my couch and never leave the house. I don't eat all day or I eat everything I can grab. I feel like crying but my eyes are selfish and hold the tears to themselves.

I wear pyjamas from the moment I walk in the door and find excuses not to answer my phone. I watch TV but don't really see anything. I can't sleep so I try reading, I try sleeping pills, I try a bath. I try tea, I try writing, I try laying in bed thinking of nothing and everything. I try imagining somewhere hot, and listening to waves on a beach.

I am awake but my mind is confused. How did I end up here? Like this? Lonely, sad, unable to express myself and not understanding what it is that has brought me down so low. Some nights I might go have a drink at my very own Cheers with friends but this is a temporary distraction.

I wander around the museum for hours, wishing I could disappear into the paintings, into the sculptures and be a part of history instead of making my own. I wander around the library even longer - until the librarian announces the imminent closing - picking up books and flipping through the pages.

I read comedic memoirs which remind me all too well how mine would suffer in comparison. I read serious books about war and crimes against humanity. They say misery loves company. I read books about love, about pain, about reality. Sometimes I read a book so densely and intricately worded I have to reread paragraphs three times just to understand what is happening. These are my favorite of all, they take up the most time.

Once the snow melts, once the grass returns, once the sun again has the starring role and not just a cameo, I'll be okay. But for now, for now I'll sit waiting.


Do Not Pass Go

PartyGirl (on phone): "Oh, so the police called me yesterday looking for your number..."

Alice racks her brain trying to think of any possible reason the cops would call her. She has been so broke lately she's considered robbing a bank and is now afraid that they have developed a new mind reading technology designed to get criminals before they strike

PartyGirl: "Apparently we're being subpoenaed"

Turns out I'm not going to jail after all, which is good because I'm pretty sure orange is not my color; it makes my skin look all pale and blotchy.

Here's the story - wait, am I allowed to tell this or because there's an ongoing case is it illegal for me to talk about? Screw it, I'm telling it anyway.

One night PartyGirl and I were driving home after a party at our friends house. We were stopped at a light and all of sudden there's a jolt, crash - and we're hit from behind. The guy in the SUV behind us signalled for us to pull over (it's a pretty major intersection) so we pulled off into this parking lot behind a building.

The guy gets out of his car and literally straggered over. PartyGirl cracked her window and asked him for his registration. The guy is acting all weird and confused. He was bald, short and pudgy and very Spanish looking. He was wearing a yellow jacket but no shirt underneath. We kept looking at each other like "seriously, is this guy for real?"

He pulls out a bag of cocaine and tries to give it to us while slurring and asking what we want from him. I think he thought we had pulled over to do a drug deal.

Ya, actually, we just want your registration info dude.

So I proceed to call the police. The guy started asking PartyGirl who I was talking to, she told him it was her dad on the line. Well apparently he didn't believe her because he took off running. He left his car in the parking lot and just ran.

When the cops showed up (three cars - it must have been a slow night) they first searched his car (found nothing there) and had us fill out reports. One of the cops knew PartyGirl from a class they'd both taken in college so we were all just kind of joking around about that while the cops made fun of how terrible my writing is (it looks like a boys writing, really).

Since we'd already described him to the cops, suddenly one of them was like: " that him??" This moron came back, strolling by super casually. Yes, the idiot who ran into us.

The cops chased him down and tackled him to the ground. After they carted him away we headed home. This happened months ago, I'd completely forgotten about it but apparently I have to go to court and tell my version of what happened.

Know what I'm actually kind of excited about? I get to wear a power suit and killer heels.

PS - Alice for President

I was nominated for a 20-something blogger award:

Best Up-and-Coming Blog (Started in 2008)

Which is actually kind of exciting to me, so if you are a member of the 20sb network and feel like voting go here, even if you don't vote for me

Trust me, there's a lot of talent on them there ballots!


I Should Have Taken The Brandy

This whole past month I just haven't been feeling creative or funny or even very interesting, therefore my blog has suffered - so for that, I apologize. When it becomes cold and dreary I sort of shut down and just lay around being lazy when I'm not at work. I promise eventually I'll be feeling back up to par and stop being so lame.

Tonight, I had an interesting night at work. There's these guys who are from England staying in the hotel that is adjacent to our restaurant. They've been coming in for the last few weeks for a few beers after they're done work. They are all from the British Air Force and there are about 25 of them.

Tonight one of them asked me to go for a drink with him on Thursday. I'm going to go even though it seems a bit pointless since they'll be leaving soon and heading back to England, but either way, it'll be fun I'm sure.

To update my dating situations right now; I saw Bro again over Christmas and it was really nice. He brought me a Christmas CD which was sweet, we watched a movie and had some drinks. It was a lot of fun and I really feel comfortable around him. He's gone up North again until February though. I haven't spoken to ADD since Christmas because frankly he's far too ADD for me. I'm hyper as it is, I don't need someone three times as energetic as myself around!

As for the Russian, that's another story entirely (which has to do with the piano bar and the sketchiness there) but I'll save that for another day.

On my way home from work I started coughing in my cab. As he dropped me off the cab driver was telling me that if I have some Brandy with hot water, I'll sleep through the night. I laughed and said that I didn't have any Brandy at my house to which he replied:

"You want Brandy? I go get Brandy! I bring to you right now the Brandy!"

Erm, no thanks but definitely E for effort, and a bigger tip...


A Few More Blondie-isms

A bartender and I were talking about something being blasphemous, completely joking around. He then said something along the lines of: "No, what's blasphemous is saying that a zombie who rises from the dead around Easter time is unbelievable."

Blondie looks at us and asks: "Who, the Easter Bunny?"


While we were doing our cash-outs at work;
Blondie turns to me and says: "How do you spell owe?"
Alice: "Sorry? Like the letter O?"
Blondie: "No, like I'm trying to write I.O.U...oh....never mind"


Blondie: "I don't think blondes are dumb, I think it's all the brown-headed people who dye their hair that make blondes look dumb"
Alice: "You mean brunettes?"

(The irony? Blondie is a natural brunette)



Year of the Rat - Good Riddance

Wow, what a vacation I just took. I haven't written anything since before Christmas. I've been busy working and hanging out with the family and all the other poor excuses I can think of (Translation: I'm lazy). Prepare yourself, this ones a doozy.

So one of my friends roommates had a theory for me on why my year was so terrible. See I was born in the Year of the Rat and apparently in Chinese culture, whenever "your" year roles around it's bad luck and you'll have a bad year. Guess what year it was last year? Year of the Rat.

Either way, I had a shitty year (other then my fabulous vacations) so any way to explain it works for me. Right, and I saw someone else do this somewhere and it looked like a good idea, so here I go; it's the year-long summary.


January 6th last year I came home after working both jobs to find my house entirely flooded. I couldn't turn on the lights because I could be electrocuted from the water, so I had to search through the sopping wet house for clothes to wear to The Office the next day with a flashlight, while shivering my ass off because the furnace broke due to aforementioned water. Run-on sentences a large part of my life, apparently, at this time. Moved back with the parentals while damage was being fixed.


I actually have a Valentines date for the first time since I broke up with my ex 3 years ago. This guy I dated in HS (it's a cycle I tell you) and I went for dinner and it was nice but slightly awkward. I had way more fun having a single girls hot-tub party last year. Decide V-day is way overrated and will never worry about it again.

Eleven of us jet-set off to Cuba. It was the first tropical vacation I'd ever been on (I highly doubt England or Scotland count as tropical although they are lovely)

I also got a promotion at The Office this month. Dizzy and her adorable baby also came for a visit: one good month out of three so far.


My birthday. I went for dinner with Frenchie and PA. There were supposed to be a lot more people but there was a freakin blizzard so everyone was delayed etc. so planned to meet us afterward. Luckily, about 25 people showed up at the lounge later so I didn't feel like a complete moron.

Pseudo and I pretty much ended things this month, although the off and on thing continues.


I was FINALLY able to move back home after renovations to my house were completed. This month consisted mostly of me drinking away any sorrows.

There was the Lilac Festival - it rained the whole day but we still got to watch shirtless men play beach volleyball, there was the night of What Were We Thinking, there was the sex-toy party I had after which we all went out absolutely drunkity-drunk and I ran into O/N for the first time since however many years ago.

Pseudo and I ended things after he ran into me with O/N and I refused to leave O/N to go to Pseudo's. He called me the next day apologizing and we decided we'd be better as friends.


I started my blog this month, after searching something on the internet and coming across a blog about a working girl. I ended up reading the whole thing and thought - hey, why not. So the rest of my year will be summed up in pictures:

July: Went house-boating with 9 great ladies and 3 awesome guys. O/N had a boat with all his buddies - much hilarity ensued:

August: Blondie and I with the John Deere rep (his name was John) in PEI:

Right after I worked my ass off planning the Corporate golf tournament...this happened.

Cue nervous breakdown beginning.

October: Went to visit my fantastic sister Dizzy, her hubby and their adorable baby. I drove there with Mum and we did a little BC coast tour.


Found out the parents are (finally) getting a divorce. This makes things slightly more awkward as they do still live together.

December Our last Christmas together as a family. Mom tried to upstage Dad, although we all agreed on a low budget this year. Instead we got things like laptops and iTouch's from Mom and the agreed upon amount from Dad. How this makes sense, I don't know.

Next Christmas, Alice is going on vacation.