This Is Your Captain Speaking

Picturesque mountains surround the calm, crystal clear blue lake. Water trickles from high in the porous rocks. In the distance a seagull floats gently on a gust of wind. Welcome to the Shuswaps, located in the heart of beautiful British Columbia. Please step on board, take a seat and relax.

On the menu for this evening is a steady diet of Vodka, mixed with water and a touch of lime. Be sure you've dressed in your 80s finery and have those ponytails teased and ready.

Tonight we go back to the glory days of music. The neon colors and big hair; the leggings, stir-ups and leg-warmers of yester-year. Let me just park this rig over here on this sandy beach, next to the other houseboat full of people ready to party.

Tomorrow we'll all wake up hungover, but not to fear - I'll have caesars at the ready for all 14 of you. Whats that you say? Why yes, we will be floating around the lake all day today, relaxing in our hot tub with the music blaring and radio-ing other boats to make sure there are plenty of hot men in stock.

Not to worry, Saturday is playboy bunny night, so make sure you wear your hottest little bikini (but if it's hotter then mine I'll be pissed). The party at Nielson beach tonight will consist of, oh maybe 100 other boatloads of people, disco on the beach, a live band, a foam party, hot tubs, bikinis, fireworks, and Vodka...let's not forget the Vodka.

Sunday perhaps we'll take it easy in the hot tub again. The men with the parasailing boat should be swinging by any time now for those of you who would like to go for a little ride. If parasailing isn't your thing, there are seadoos and speedboats a plenty. Water-skiing anyone?

Don't forget that today is Sexy Sailors and Pirates themed so get those navy and white bikini and stilettos out. Yes, it's perfectly acceptable to be wearing stilettos on a rocking boat and the sandy beach. Silly question! Can I make you another beverage?

Welcome to your July long weekend...