Wednesday

Girls Don't Like Boys, Girls Like Cars and Money

I’m going to a wedding this weekend, in Kamloops – a beautiful little town in BC. My cousin is getting married and I couldn’t be happier for her – they’re a great couple. Plus I get to see the whole family (and with 12 cousins under the age of 27 you can be sure it’ll be a gong show).

Weddings and I have always had a love/hate relationship. I worked at a Private Club (not that kind of club, perv) therefore have worked during many, many weddings. I also had seven separate friends get married last year and several the year before. Let’s just say I’ve seen my share of weddings.

Anyhow, the other day, as I do whenever I have too much time on my hands*, I started thinking about some strange things a little too intently. Why do spiders have eight eyes and live in bathtub drains? Why does coffee taste delicious black unless it’s at Tim Hortons where I need to put their crack-creamers in it to fully enjoy the robust flavor? Why do people (ok, girls) settle for a person they don’t think is the Right One just so that they can “finally” get married?

The answer came to me in a dream**. Girls want security. Girls want to know that they’ll have someone to wake up to every morning, someone who thinks hair-in-a-ponytail and sweatpants is a sexy look for them, someone who will fetch their newspaper and fan them with banana leaves while feeding them caviar and cream cheese on those cute little toasted bread rounds.

One thing most girls don’t want is a guy who is much less successful than her. That’s right, I said it, and you know it’s true. While I personally am not looking for a sugar daddy (although any interested parties feel free to apply here), I also don’t want to tell my parents that I met the love of my life in a romantic exchange involving my spare change and his fingerless gloves wrapped around a Styrofoam cup.

I have friends who are dating complete jerk-offs mainly because they know they have financial security and someone willing to fly them to Palm Springs or Vegas on a whim. I’d rather be living in a (large) cardboard box (with windows and weather proof coating), scraping gum off the pavement and selling it to unsuspecting tourists for a living then be a so-called trophy wife.

Don’t get me wrong. If future Mr. Alice happens to have loads of money and nothing better to do with it then spend it on me (and my shoe collection) I won’t complain. I would still need to have a job, especially if it was the daunting career of researching great vacation spots.



*always
**my alarm was going off and playing some Good Charlotte…there may or may not have been dancing polar bears in said dream. Also, a really large talking willow tree, Pocahontas style.

10 comments:

pistols at dawn said...

I think you're also neglecting the fact that women's main draw - beauty - tends to (in the minds of mainstream culture, at least) evaporate as they age, meaning that if you're not betrothed by your mid-30s, you've lost your trump card and have to try to play your hand with the completely worthless cards known as "personality" and "being interesting."

Fear of losing the trump card is what leads to marriage, and ten years later, when he doesn't look at you in the same lustful way, it's what leads to the affairs. So you all have the desire and the kill switch hardwired in. Nicely done, women!

rs27 said...

I didn't read what pistols at dawn wrote, but yeah, what he said...

don't knock the fingerless gloves.

they're very comfortable.

4 Inch Stilettos said...

This is where we differ sweet pea. I'd gladly take the 401k lifestyle, the fabulous shoe collection, vacations, etc. It's just I never really find myself attracted to those type of guys. I always fall for the artsy fartsy guys who care more about "what" they do, than how much they make doing it. GRRRRR

Dr Zibbs said...

I just might have the perfect guy for you. He can't fly you to Vegas but he lives in a box that SAYS ,"Vegas". It's sounds not to glamorous but the caligraphy he used to write the word Vegas is really cool. I told him he should try to get a job in a body shop.

He said he'd get back to me on that.

AttachedMama said...

You wouldn't make a very good trophy wife anyway. They're not supposed to be smarter than their husbands or have opinions of their own.

The Alleged Ringleader said...

Man I will be the trophy wife living the life of leisure but I wouldn't dare marry some guy JUST for that. I don't ever plan on getting married but if I were to do it, I'd need them to be able to support my retail addictions (as well as my travel and vacation home portfolios)

Falwless said...

Well said, lady. Well said. I'll be honest - I'm with you. I wouldn't be attracted to someone who was much less successful than I am. It's not to do with the money, it's to do with ambition and smarts and drive.

SF said...

yes, I do want security but I am lucky that I did find someone that I am in love with. Also, it's great that hes not a loser ,needing to bum money from me.thank god.

BloodRedRoses said...

I def know someone who's married a jerk.

I def know I don't want to end up like that. No matter how much he makes!

Seriously though. If he happens to WANT to contribute to my shoe collection, who am I to say no??

ÄsK AliCë said...

Pistols - I'll always be ravishingly, devastatingly beautiful thank you very much

rs27 - I'm just saying!

4inch Stilettos - I would take the 401k lifestyle too but with a guy who is not a douche...hard combo to find

Dr. Z - sounds perfect for me. A man with good handwriting? Just what I've alweays dreamt of!

Attachedmama - ha ha thanks

Ringleader - I'm totally with you there. If I ever decide to sell my soul and get married.

Fawless - yes that's exactly it! They need to show that they give two shits about something

sf - see it can work out!

bloodredroses - My point exactly!!