Thursday

Canadian From The Waist Down. What?



Hey everyone it's me Alice. Look I'm back, right here. Alice, right here. Writing to you guys.

Not.

This is RS27 from the world's country's state's Los Angeles' my house's favourite blog, Your Beard is Good ,where we discuss such things as the crisis in Darfur, Miley Cyrus' new haircut, What the Hell is wrong with Bono, and my campaign for the 2016 Presidential Election. My running mate? One of the Jonas Brothers. Anyways, since this is my first guest blog on a Canadian blog I should tell everyone how much I love Canada. In honour of this being a Canadian based blog I should do my best to make this post as Canadian as can be. See above for how I spelled, "favorite."

EH?!?!

I've always had a fondness for Canada. I love Canadian rock bands. Even Nickelback. Sure they're annoying and whiny sometimes, but if you're from Canada you are ok by me. Bryan Adams, you too. You are a cool cat.

You guys have a kick ass national anthem (True Patriot Love in all they Son's Commmand!) which I know every word to. Is it weird that I know all the words to another country's anthem? I say hell no. What's the motto for the Olympics this year? One World, One Dream? (Aside: That barely beat out China's other motto: Say anything bad about us and we'll blow your ass up. Close second, I know. Oh, Olympic humour (Canadian spelling! more parenthesis!), you slay me.) My dream is that one day we will all know the national anthems to every country and sing them loudly!

Sorry Dr. Martin Luther King. I plagiarized your speech.

I've visited Canada about 5 times and love the place. The people are so nice, the girls are pretty and Molson is everywhere. The first time I went was for my friend's 19th birthday. Drinking is legal at 19 in Canada? Screw the free health care, give me the legal drinking. My first run in with Canadian women was walking down the streets in Toronto to a club when we ran into a group of 4 pretty girls. They stopped us right away due to my effervescent good looks and the fact that I was picking my nose. It itched.

Girl #1 - Hey.
Me- Hey
Friend #1 - Hey
Friend #2 - Hey
Girl #2 - Hey
Girl #3 - Hey
Girl #4 - *shrugs*

Damn, we are so smooth with the ladies. Pass the courvasier indeed.

Girl #1 - Where are you guys going?

What? This is great. Girls just come up to you in the middle of the street and want to go out with you? It's aboot time. I have found my utopia. I shall call it Canada.

RUN WITH ME TO FREEDOM!

Friend #1 - We're just headed over to that bar over there. *points to an empty store*
Girl #2- That's not a bar. It's a store
Friend #2- We're going to make it a bar
Girl #2- You guys are so funny. We should all hang out.

Sweet love of god, we are so going to do it tonight. I love Canada. Ok, if we do it who gets the extra girl? That would be great because I've never....

Friend #1 - Definitely you guys should come with us. It's going to be a lot of fun.
Me- And awesome. Don't forget awesome
Friend #2 - *nudges me* (whispers) dude don't be stupid.
Me- Stupid awesome. Got it.
Girl #3 - I don't think we are going to go out drinking though
Friend #2 - Why not?
Girl #2 - We're going to the coffee shop, you guys should come.
Friend #1 - We're going out for our friend's birthday, why don't you come?
Girl #1 - We're 16.

GOD DAMMIT!

WHY MUST YOU TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING FROM ME THAT IS SO EASY!

Needless to say, not knowing the rules of relations in a foreign country we left our 16 year old friends to go sip on a latte at the local Black Brew Crew Coffee Shop or whatever. We headed on our way to a club where I had 32 Long Island Iced Teas and ended up ska dancing to the house band.

Canada, you're such a tease.

But the sexy tease that I can't get enough of.

From Far and Wide, O Canada, We Stand On Guard For Thee!

13 comments:

BloodRedRoses said...

You are amazing. Mainly because you know the crazy spelling for our Canadian words.

Or maybe that just makes you a good speller.

The Alleged Ringleader said...

OUCH...

Ben said...

You are so wonderful at playing by our rules when writing on our blogs. Kudos for that. Although, you may only have said kudos if you continue from refraining from any action with 16-year-olds. This is as much for your good as it is for their's.

poobomber said...

Gary Glitter should come here to Canada - by the sounds of it he'd have easy pickings.

Dr Zibbs said...

Nice pickup lines. I'm gonna try me those.

Marie said...

Damn! 16? How old did they look?

Douchegirl said...

Is there any other kind of teasing besides the sexy teasing? Because I only know (and love) that one.

LBluca77 said...

Please tell me you met Robin Sparkles and she sang you Sandcastles in the Sand??

AttachedMama said...

It's legal to drink at 18 in some provinces up here... (Like Alice's).

Kez said...

I had no idea that Canadians spelt the way Aussies and Brits do.
Way cool.
RS27 come to Oz. S'riously. It's legal to "do it" at the age of 16 and it's legal to drink at 18.
Cool, huh.
Anyway great guest post!

Paula said...

"We're sixteen"! Ha. Did not see that one coming, it was a nice little twist!

Falwless said...

I'm laughing most at the "who is this handsome man that wrote this blog I wish I knew him in real life" tag. I may have to go read your blog just because of that tag.

ÄsK AliCë said...

You're so smooth with the ladies.

Why are you single??

Thanks for the guest post - hilarious as always