Still (not) Kissing Frogs

I think it's about that time for me to make fun of people again. I miss it.

The best place to start is the jungle they call Online Dating. Here are a few of my latest emails received. Oh how I love seeing the English language being slaughtered. Le Sigh.

Bachelor #1: YOU SEEM NICE GET BACK IF YOUR INTERERSTED

A quick glance at his profile reveals that as a career: "I work about 60 hours about in concrete. im happy with my life". That's all he says and the only answer to the typical "About Me" stuff he gave was his salary.

First of all I'd like to know how I seem nice when you've never spoken to me. You can't really judge niceness based on a written profile, especially not one that's to the point, like mine is. That would be like me telling him that he seems loud. Which he does, what with all the yelling and such.

Also what the hell does "about 60 hours about in concrete" mean? You work close to 60 hours kind of with a material resembling concrete? You work 60 hours a week? A month? A pay-period? Who the hell cares how many hours you work?

NEXT!

Bachelor #2: do u have msn?

While I'm at it, can I just give you my address? We haven't exchanged 5 words and you want me to give you my msn? What kind of girl sees this message and thinks; "gosh he sure did put in a lot of effort to obtain a personal bit of information from me, I should definitely give him a chance."

So, giving him a chance, I look at his profile and find these tantalizing tidbits:

I am sexxy, energetic, and easy going. I am 33 male 5'9 well built and looking for friends and more. i am adventurious and always lookingto try new things.

Good thing you're sexxy and not just sexy because I never date guys who are "only one x" sexy.

Moving on!

Bachelor #3: HI! I am nice good looking east indian guy who is looking for some fun.

If you're so good-looking why don't you have a picture up? Also, telling a normal girl you're looking for some fun = telling a whore you just want to talk. Or something along those lines.

My backwards analogies make sense in my mind.

On the positive side of life, I met a very nice, good-looking guy at a party last weekend. We hung out all night, dancing and chatting. Unfortunately at the end of the night a guy I knew got into a fight (I know, right? How old are we boys?) with some other guy and I was dragged out of the party before getting the chance to exchange numbers with my hot guy.

I should have left a shoe like Cinderella...

♦♣♥♠ Vegas Baby ♦♣♥♠

As I said last post, I'm heading to Vegas in exactly 2 weeks and am uber thrilled about it. My girlfriend recently broke up with her boyfriend and needs a vacation like nobodies business. I just need a vacation in general!

We are staying at Mandalay Bay and planning to take it easy a few days - just beaching it and being water babies. I really want to do a Grand Canyon tour but haven't found anything reasonably priced yet. We also want to do some shopping (hello outlet stores? I want some choos!)

We're also trying to figure out what else to do (probably a Cirque du Soliel - maybe O?) and what clubs are fab down there.

I'd really like to play poker as well. O was thinking of entering in a tourny but one of my friends (who plays down there all the time) says that they are loose tourists playing and it turns into shitty luck-only poker. I would want to play with people who are a bit more serious but not lose major coin with the high-rollers. Maybe cash games instead?

Does anyone have extensive Vegas experience or tips/advice based on your travels?

In other exciting news, I have lost 11 pound in just under three weeks - I'm tracking it on my other blog: Alice's Appetence along with recipes etc. if anyone is interested!

Danger! Been So Long (sing it!)

Wow so I've been away from this here blogosphere for a million and a half years. Sorry for not reading/writing anything in the past mmm...2 months?! It's been busy and crazy and I feel like all I do lately is work. Not a whole lot of inspiration for posts there right now, unfortunately.

Let's see...updates?

• My father has settled onto his new place with his bro and fam. It's actually been really nice because when I see either of my parents they are both in much better moods then when they were together. As strange as it all still is, I just know it's best this way for EVERYONE involved. Thank baby Jebus for small miracles

• I was supposed to go to Mexico (Puerto Vallarta) for a week at the end of this month. Ya so that's not gonna happen. Even if we still wanted to go all of the flights are canceled and we're SOL. I feel really sorry for anyone who was planning a wedding down there at this time - yikes!

• Two of my very good friends have gone through major relationship trauma lately. One of them found out that her fiance had been dating another girl for a few months. Awesome.
  

• Another of my good friends' boyfriends decided to break up with her after NINE years, on her birthday, via text message. Yup, that's as scummy as they come. Oh wait, he also called her a cunt and told her to move all her "shit" out in a nice voicemail he left her that day. She can't even get half the house because he hadn't gotten around to switching it into his name from his Aunt.
  

• All of which pretty much makes me glad I'm single right now. That guy I was seeing for a bit? Ya, he turned weird. He got kind of needy and expected me to just go wherever he was. He would get really whiny if I was tired and just wanted to stay home or if I was working and didn't feel like going out afterwards. Especially when the text messages I'd get were simply: "@ Melrose[bar]" when we had never discussed meeting that night. Sorry, not giving up my life to tag along with you or just coming when you text like a little puppy.
  

• I had my 25th birthday a few weeks ago. I'm not really sure why this birthday feels the worst so far but I actually feel like I have no excuse to get drunk and make bad decisions. Le sigh. Doesn't mean I won't still do that but hey, now I get to feel guilty about it! Cheers!
  

• Instead of Mexico, my girlfriend and I are heading to Vegas! I haven't actually ever been there (unless you count when I was 8 - which I don't really) so I'm very excited. We're staying at Mandalay Bay for 5 nights - it's going to be a Gong show!

So there's my life in a nutshell - hopefully I'll get my act together here soon and be able to write more. All this working and making money is really starting to hinder my artistic side.