Wednesday

Still (not) Kissing Frogs

I think it's about that time for me to make fun of people again. I miss it.

The best place to start is the jungle they call Online Dating. Here are a few of my latest emails received. Oh how I love seeing the English language being slaughtered. Le Sigh.

Bachelor #1: YOU SEEM NICE GET BACK IF YOUR INTERERSTED

A quick glance at his profile reveals that as a career: "I work about 60 hours about in concrete. im happy with my life". That's all he says and the only answer to the typical "About Me" stuff he gave was his salary.

First of all I'd like to know how I seem nice when you've never spoken to me. You can't really judge niceness based on a written profile, especially not one that's to the point, like mine is. That would be like me telling him that he seems loud. Which he does, what with all the yelling and such.

Also what the hell does "about 60 hours about in concrete" mean? You work close to 60 hours kind of with a material resembling concrete? You work 60 hours a week? A month? A pay-period? Who the hell cares how many hours you work?

NEXT!

Bachelor #2: do u have msn?

While I'm at it, can I just give you my address? We haven't exchanged 5 words and you want me to give you my msn? What kind of girl sees this message and thinks; "gosh he sure did put in a lot of effort to obtain a personal bit of information from me, I should definitely give him a chance."

So, giving him a chance, I look at his profile and find these tantalizing tidbits:

I am sexxy, energetic, and easy going. I am 33 male 5'9 well built and looking for friends and more. i am adventurious and always lookingto try new things.

Good thing you're sexxy and not just sexy because I never date guys who are "only one x" sexy.

Moving on!

Bachelor #3: HI! I am nice good looking east indian guy who is looking for some fun.

If you're so good-looking why don't you have a picture up? Also, telling a normal girl you're looking for some fun = telling a whore you just want to talk. Or something along those lines.

My backwards analogies make sense in my mind.

On the positive side of life, I met a very nice, good-looking guy at a party last weekend. We hung out all night, dancing and chatting. Unfortunately at the end of the night a guy I knew got into a fight (I know, right? How old are we boys?) with some other guy and I was dragged out of the party before getting the chance to exchange numbers with my hot guy.

I should have left a shoe like Cinderella...

11 comments:

Andy said...

Hahahahah... Honestly, you find all kinds of weird stuff lately in these dating sites. And proper grammar in texts is also a must for me.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Heh, this almost makes me want to join a dating site!

Matt said...

posts like this make me think I could really clean up in the online dating scene.

Angela said...

Oh NO! That's such bad party luck. Hopefully you'll see him at another one...?

Alice said...

i just cancelled my match subscription. there were some nice guys on there, but i really couldn't deal with the 2376 emails you've described here just to get 1 decent email from a guy with whom i'd go on 2 dates, and then get bored.

Andhari said...

LOL Sexxy!

I wonder why older guys are so desperate sometimes. Freak me out.

The Alleged Ringleader said...

ugh! the guys who write to girls on these websites come across as such twats!

Megan L said...

LOL! "I never date guys who are "only one x" sexy." Sigh - that made my morning.

d said...

OMFG YES. Online dating is insane.

I love the multiple 'x' in sexy almost as much as I love the extra 't' at the end of hott.

Men are insane. Online dating site men? Are even worse.

Nick said...

Haha, hmm, maybe online dating is not best way to go.

I enjoy the blog!

Nick
spillyourself.com

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