Friday

A Few More Reasons

Okay so I think we're all pretty much aware of the fact that if there's a hell I'm going there. Asshole party of one? Your table is ready. This is first evidenced here, and probably in numerous other places in this here weblog of mine but I'm far too lazy to go digging for examples.

In case you need a few more reasons, I present to you:

Reasons I'm Going to Hell, Part II

1. When I'm feeling particularly cheap, I tell the bartender wherever we happen to be that I'm the designated driver. This generally scores me a free soda for which I tip largely to ensure free refills all night.

I then proceed to top up the soda all night with the Vodka that I've managed to sneak in thanks to my ridiculously large purse.

2. I like to watch Biggest Loser sometimes. It's inspiring to watch those poor people have to shed hundreds of pounds...Even more inspiring while eating ice cream and chocolate chip cookies.

3. This?


Made me laugh.

A lot.

4. Two Words: Online Dating

It's not that these guys don't seem nice. It's mostly that they seem like complete and utter morons half of the time. Or maybe it's my Judgey McJudgerson personality.

Here's me, online dating: "ugh he spelled 'your' wrong, NEXT; too old, NEXT; What's with the hair? NEXT; too skinny, NEXT; Hmm...potential...potential (as I skim his profile)...ew whiny! NEXT"

And I wonder why I'm single*


*False. I don't wonder that.

13 comments:

P said...

Oh dear.

Looks like I'll be meeting up with you in hell then!

Actually that's kinda cool, who can better THAT for a blogger meet up location...

Dr Zibbs said...

You are original. I'll give yuou that.

Kez said...

Hahaha I am even too lazy to WATCH the Biggest Loser. I just tune in halfway through so I can watch them get makeovers and I can cry along with them while eating bad food.

I wouldn't date someone who couldn't spell you're properly either.
Oh wait...I married him. But I can change him....
Oh crap :P

Bathwater said...

Well if that is all it takes to go to hell than I'm sure it is pretty crowded the people who think the are slatted for heaven.

L said...

Clearly, hell is for the cool kids.

Chele said...

I totally do #2 as well, eating pizza or burgers.

I laughed hard at # 3

Mich said...

Nice to know I'll have good company in Hell lol :P

samdotcom said...

Your the best. As are snack fests during Biggest Loser. It's the only way to watch, really.

samdotcom said...

Fuckshit. You're. As in YOU ARE. You can still online date me.

ExMi said...

that made me laugh a lot too :)

see ya in hell!

OG said...

I'm actually impressed that you are so cheap that you try to get out of paying $2 for a soda. When I watch the biggest loser I think about how unhappy they're (correct contraction) going to be with all the loose skin - so I guess if I believed in hell, I'd be going there with you. Oh, and that blasphamy poster is hilarious.

Andy said...

HA! The Biggest Loser is the best. I can't explain enjoy watching Jillian break down her trainees while I'm loungin', consuming a TON of sugar..

Sherry said...

LOL! You are absolutely hilarious! Why the heck didn't I ever think of the free soda, hidden vodka trick? Genius, absolute genius.