A Post About Fruit...Really.

I tried a new fruit this weekend, since I'm always on the lookout for fruits that aren't a huge pain in my ass to prepare*. As I sprint out the door at 7:32 to catch my 7:34 bus I need something efficient and easy - an orange just won't cut it.

This fruit I tried hails from the Himalayan region of Tibet, apparently (although that part of Tibet is dry, cold at night and has basically all the ingredients you don't want when growing fruit - but hey, I believe anything the nice Health Food Store Hippy tells me).

Behold the Tibetan Goji-berry!

Ok, now I just Wiki-pedia'd that to give you all a nice little link and got something about a Wolfberry...what the hell is going on here? Time to get Google involved.

I just uncovered a scandal in the fruit patch! Turns
out those Wolfberry guys are selling their product as Goji berries - and Wikipedia is endorsing this! These poor Tibetan monks spend days blessing the little berries, rumored to make people happy for days (natural Viagra anyone?), and those Wolfberry growers just swarm into the US markets, labeling everything they can get their grubby little hands on as Goji berries.

I am shocked and appalled** but mostly disappointed.

Wasn't that the worst when your parents said that to you? "I'm not mad, just disappointed".
" I allowed to continue smoking pot and drinking your rye on our garage roof, or not?"

Where was I? Oh yes, Goji Berry "Scandal of the Century". That's it I'm starting a not-for-profit group benefiting the Rights of the Goji-Berry. That's right, this is a war on Berry-imitation and I won't stop until all perpetrators are dealt with accordingly, by being forced to eat Wolfberries by the handful. Anti-oxidant? I think not! How do like them Berries?

And to think, this was going to be a post about the nutritional benefits of a fruit. I've found my meaning in life.

*If it involves a knife - it's too much work.
** mainly because I have nothing better to do with my time than look into a scandal involving mostly unheard of berries and some greedy fruit dudes.


AttachedMama said...

Hahaha, it probably won't surprise you to hear that I eat Goji berries in my yogurt in the morning. Though now I'm worried they might actually be Wolfberries. Scandalous! How do I tell?

ÄsK AliCë said...

Apparently you can get them authenticated! Click the link to Goji-berries and read it

rs27 said...

at least its not pinkberry.

Thats right I said it.

Anonymous said...

I drink Goji juice all the time. Does this mean now that I've been drinking wolfberry juice all along?

Eff that. Eff that straight to h-e-double hockey sticks.

First Santa, now Goji. Jesus I'm mad about the lies I've been fed.

The Alleged Ringleader said...

BLAGH I hate Pinkberry! Seems like RS agrees!

I have never tried these Goji berries but I have heard they are ALL the rage.

Dr Zibbs said...

I'm kind of guilty in the same way. I once wrote the word "pure gold" on bananas and tried to sell them to kids.

Maxie said...

I can't remember what they are called but I read an article about some kind of weird berries that they wer infusing into drinks that made you feel high or something like that? damn it, I wish I could find the link.

Eric Shonkwiler said...

"' I allowed to continue smoking pot and drinking rye on our garage roof, or not?'"

Comedy gold. Do you drink rye?

Stilettos and Nostalgia said...

Oh man, you got me all excited....I thought you had eaten a PAPAYA and learned how to pronounce it. Grrr... you disappoint me, Alice.

Beth said...

If I could eat Pomegranate every hour of the day I would.

But its such a pain in the ass to eat. Ugh.

ÄsK AliCë said...

RS27 - we don't have pinkberry up here...

Poobomber - it's all lies!

Ringleader - they taste like cranberries mixed with cherries

Dr Z. - That my friend, is pure gold

Maxie - quite possibly the same thing?!

Eric - I try to avoid it if I want to avoid fights and drama

SaN - hahahaha no, I still can't say that damn word. pa-pa-pay-ya

Beth - that's the problem with fruit!

Lyla Lou said...

I'm a dummy. I just realized why some of my comments never appear! I keep forgetting to type in the word verification.

Anyways....this post makes me want to try either of those berries. We only have the bpring ones around here. Straw, cran, blue and rasp.

"How do like them Berries?"

This is my favorite line ever!!!

ÄsK AliCë said...

Lyla - awww I hate that word verification - apparently you can turn it off?! I guess you can order Goji berries online? They're a bit pricey but so good for you

Falwless said...

This is tragic!!!!!!!!!

slop said...

You want good fruit, go to the mother land: