Friday

All Aboard the Sunshine Express

Well that about wraps up emo-week in Average-Land, hope you enjoyed your stay! That's right kids, turn off that Moss Icon, put down the knife and crawl out of bed; we're back on the happy-train.

So since I've been having such great luck over on one dating site, I signed up for another. They emailed me about 6 times telling me I could have a free trial for the weekend (I guess I smell like desperation even through the internets). So I filled out the survey and jumped on in.

With the free trial I can review other peoples profiles but until I pay money I can't see their pictures. I can also start a "Guided Communication" with someone or answer questions that they've asked "potential matches".

So now, instead of being able to be judgmental and weed guys out based on if their picture is just their stomach taken by themselves in a mirror (WHY do guys feel like that's a good profile picture?) I have to actually go through the profile. And we all know how honest people are on those.

Why yes, in my spare time I enjoy dissecting Weber, or listening to Vivaldi while organizing my spice-rack alphabetically, maybe traveling around the world in a week and painting Dali-inspired masterpieces. Did I mention my love of children and small animals? Can I tell you how beautiful your eyes are?

Wait let me just grab my vom bucket.

So I've been filling out "communication surveys" for the last hour. It's actually kind of addicting in some sort of weird narcissistic way.

There does seem to be a lot more to go through when you pay to use a site but I can't wrap my head around paying a couple hundred bucks to get more "hey baby" emails. I'll just have to see how this free trial goes...



Sorry about all the snarky quotation marks. I can't seem to help myself.

23 comments:

Tova Darling said...

Hey, a picture of Mr. Darling's stomach taken by himself while facing a mirror is what convinced me to marry him.

Haha! Just kidding. But what if that were true? Would you feel bad? I hope not. Hopefully, you would think that I was some sort of creep. Because what kind of woman married someone because of his stomach? Not me. Also, I met Mr. D through a mutual friend, so I didn't see a picture of him first. Which is good. He's not very photogenic. Very attractive in real life, but sometimes he does this awkward smile for pictures. We're working on that.

Poobomber said...

Whatever happened to hooking up with the drunkest person you could find? At least a guy had a chance back then.

Now there's all this "judgment" and "intelligence" and "personality" stuff that people have to factor in to potential dates. I don't like it.

Dr Zibbs said...

If I were single, I'd come up and date you. Well, you'd be on the list. I'd get all of my single lady readers, add points for how much I like their blogs, then and a few points for how many times they comment on my blog, then figure the order of dating out with a very scientific number. Yeah that's what I would do.

BeckEye said...

Here's what I don't get about some guys on these sites. (There's actually a long list, but this is probably #1.) Why do men post a picture of some guy who's obviously not them? Like, these weirdos who post a picture of a guy who's clearly a model and then their profile says something like, "I look for good true women to spend nites with by fire for hold handing and maybe love? R u the one for special times? I seksy and rumantic want for girl to do much fun with."

Do these weird Serbian dudes think that we don't know they're looking for some chick to get them a green card? Or worse, to be a sex slave? What if they actually meet someone from the site and they are obviously not the guy from their profile picture? Do they just chloroform the poor girl and cart her off to their homeland? Or do they think that they can win her over with their seksy, rumantic talkings?

Paula said...

I loathe dating websites. They are too much "to the point" for me. I prefer to just FALL into relationships. Which is probably why I'm largely single.

words words words said...

That does sound like your average guy's personal ad. Except they'd misspell "Vivaldi". And "dissect". And "eyes".

Also, it appears Mrs. Dr. Zibbs has done the blogosphere a tremendous service.

Chele said...

its fascinating to see the pics men will put up on their dating profile. like man in speedos and red socks....uhu I saw that

Ben said...

I am baffled that you don't just have a line-up of men dying to clean you with their tongues.

Or do you and they're just not good-looking?

That's probably be the case.

Ben said...

"That's probably be the case"

??

Wow. Sorry.

erin said...

Noooooooo! Not eHarmony! The commercials make it look like such a sure thing! It so isn't!

I specified the height was "very important" to me - not because I'm shallow, but because I am a giant. Every match they sent me was 5'5".

Then I got a preachy email saying, basically, "You know, you may *think* you know what you want in a man, but look how well that's worked out for you, spinster. We are the experts at matching, so you will accept all of the dwarves we keep sending you, and you will like it."

Deutlich said...

Online dating sites still scare me to death although more and more people I know use them.

brookem said...

my favorites are the pics where the guy is showing off his tattoo on his shoulder?, and it's a pic of him with just his boxers on with the caption of, "my new tattoo!"... uhm, no.

good luck with the new site!

rs27 said...

I take a picture of my penis usually.

I geta lot of chuckles.

damn, thats not good.

whatigotsofar said...

I got rejected by eHarmony after filling out the questionnaire. Apparently I'm unmatchable.

Falwless said...

Man, I don't envy you with the dating site shenanigans. Goddamn that was torturous. But at the same time pretty fucking funny.

desirae! said...

"I guess I smell like desperation even through the internets"

best line i've read all day.

Essentially Me said...

See this is why whenever I think of going on a dating site, I immediately take that thought out of my head. I can wait on it a bit longer.

Can't wait to read alll about it!

pistols at dawn said...

There's this part of me that thinks signing up for these dating sites would be hilarious, and then there's another part that thinks it would be really, really dangerous.

Here's hoping you keep getting the former.

Alice said...

so far my online dating has been pretty good. the only super-creeps are weeded out before i have to meet them, so that's one huge benefit over traditional dating..

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Looses it's charm after a while but what the hell,it sounds mildly entertaining at best. Good luck.
BTW-How's the weight loss quest going?

Lyla Lou said...

My current sweetie was on eHarmony until he met me! So I guess they aren't all creeps, you just have to weed out the good ones. Or maybe my boyfriend is a freak and I haven't noticed yet?

LYDIA said...

Let me guess - eHarmony?

Antonella said...

I've never been on a dating site, but on a friends' site. haha, I guess it was for meeting friends, date, stalk, whatever. Anyway, like two weeks ago, I got the news e-mail from the site, and there was a picture of my enemy nª 1 since I was at high school! HE, the one that called me fat pathetic nerd, was there, and his profile picture was the same as his ID's!!!!