Baking FAIL

I'm generally a good cook. I don't necessarily need a recipe and if I see something on TV or in a restaurant I can imitate it pretty well. However, baking isn't my forte - unless it comes from a box or has very precise instructions.

For example, I once tried to make a meringue of sorts and was busily beating my egg whites to a frothy texture. The recipe said to use cream of tartar to "stabilize the egg" and give it a better, firmer texture (that's what she said). I didn't have any so I thought "cream of tartar, tartar sauce; po-tay-to po-tah-to".


The other day I saw a recipe for homemade macaroni and cheese. I was in the mood for something warm and comforting - like grilled cheese and tomato soup or mom's meatloaf or dad's chili. I went down to the store and bought all the required ingredients that I didn't already (think) I had at home.

The recipe for the sauce is basically melted butter, add flour and brown it, throw some evaporated milk, a ton of sharp cheddar, swiss etc., some mustard powder, salt and nutmeg. Sounds delicious, no? So here I am slaving away (not caring that the recipe apparently feeds an army).

The sauce tasted awesome, but there was something off about it that I just couldn't put my finger on. I threw the pasta in, mixed it all up and put it in the oven after topping it with some homemade bread crumbs (parmesan, crumbled bread and butter).

After it was done baking I helped myself to a bowl, trying to think of what the ingredient was that tasted a bit strange. Suddenly I realized that I had mixed up my container of flour for my container of...icing sugar.



Alice = Impractical

So it's been a long few weeks in Average-Land. Working two jobs isn't the most fun thing ever, especially when one of them practically requires you to be drunk. Hence the dancing and stairwell kissing - for anyone who was wondering, I did several shots with my boss that night as well. The Piano-bar is like Coyote Ugly but without all the crowds and dancing and fire breathing.

Actually, there is a fire-breather employed with us, but he doesn't start until next week so ya.

Doesn't count.

It would be fun and awesome except for the fact that after working until 4 am I have to wake up and head to my other job in the morning. Oh and the fact that I'm not eighteen anymore so my body is all "what the shit are you doing to me?" and my wallet is all "hey remember those bills you still haven't paid?". See, I'm too busy working at making money so I don't have time to get to the bank to deposit that money so I can pay those bills.

It's a Catch-22

Speaking of wallets, have you ever lost something and completely freaked out only to realize that you actually had it the whole time? No? Me neither...

Ya, except yesterday when I got done work and went to put my tips in my wallet only to realize my wallet was not there. I had checked my wallet that morning to see how much money I had left over from the night before ($100 - pretty good) so I knew I hadn't left it somewhere random.

I proceeded to tear apart the staff room, cry my eyes out, ask "who would do something like this a WEEK before Christmas??" and say things like: "I just don't understand! I get along with everyone here, who would do this to me?"

After my manager bought me a glass of wine and some lunch, I headed home only to see my wallet sitting on my bed. Right where I left it after I checked my balance.



Break Time

Okay, I need a breather after that week. Remember me bitching about not meeting men? Remember when I used to talk about other stuff too? Seriously when did this turn into a dating blog?

So I burnt my arm the other day at work and I very much wish I could upload pictures from my phone to this here blog but I can't figure it out for the life of me. My camera is still in the shop (seriously, what the hell is taking them so long). Instead I'll tell you that it's 2 inches across and 1.5 inches down, bright red and blistery. I didn't go to a doctor because I am a dumbass.

I think bright red is good - doesn't that mean it's healing? Any help anyone? I would Google it but we all know that turns into thinking you're going to die no matter the severity of the initial problem. I'm Polysporin-ing (it's a word) this SOB all week.

Ya, well enjoy this hungover rambling, I'm sure I'll come right home from work and delete it.

Kthxbai !!


The Russians

Remember how I was just saying I meet guys by running into exes? Here's a classic example, and it happened on Saturday night.

At the piano bar I've started working at, there's a group of Russians who come in to drink almost every night I've worked so far. They're pretty nice guys but a little intimidating. The girls they're with are always super nice, they all have thick accents and their English is rusty.

The first night they came in they were drinking until after 3 am (bars here close at 2 am). I brought them their bill and the one guy (who never smiles) says in his thick accent:

"We are not done drinking"

Dude, it's 3 am. I'm done serving.

They managed to talk the owner into staying and drinking, after they paid me their bill. Basically, it seems like they have a lot of clout in that place, if you know what I mean. Since that night though they've been fairly nice to me.

So Saturday night, who walks in but the Russians. They want Cognac, which we don't have so what does my boss do? Go to the liquor store, buy two bottles and put them on their table. So I bring over some shot glasses and who has joined them but my ex-boyfriend from high school.

This is an ex who I was with for a relatively long time considering it was high school, Dizzy you may remember the Russian?

The only reason we broke up was because my "friend" (she's another story entirely) liked him from the beginning and after we'd been together almost 8 months she told me he'd cheated on me. Then she told him I cheated on him with one of his friends.

At that point, none of it was true and neither of us knew she had lied to both of us. So in true high school fashion, he was hurt and really did cheat on me, with his ex.

We didn't talk until we accidentally ran into each other at a Valentines Day party (great, right?) he brought me into a room and told me I broke his heart. I laughed so I wouldn't cry and told him he was one to talk. I haven't seen him since. That was 7 years ago now.

He was so surprised, he immediately jumped up to give me a hug and a shot of Cognac. From then, every time I went over it was shots all around. He came outside for a cigarette with me and apologized for hurting me. He asked about my family and remembered what I had gotten for him for Christmas one year. He asked how his English was (way better then I remember although I kind of like the sexy accent).

Later in the night, due to about half a bottle of Cognac ingested by myself, I was getting to be pretty drunk. I walk over to the table and the Russian Ex says: "my friends bet me $20 I can't get you to dance with me. They don't believe me we dated". So of course, we danced while reminiscing. When we walked back over to the table there was a $20 bill with two shots resting on top.

So as if I don't have enough men to deal with right now, what with ADD calling me twice a day and Bro back in town, the Russian-ex got my phone number and wants to go for coffee this week.

And I may or may not have kissed him in the stairwell that night.


Stranded in a Snowstorm

I haven't been on a date in a LONG time - either I run into ex's or guys I dated in HS or I meet my friends friends, that's how I meet guys. This week all of a sudden I have 3 dates with two different guys (yes, one of them is Bro - and in answer to details he's 6'4" tall, has nice arms, brown eyes, blondish brown hair and he's a great kisser).

These are real actual dates. Not sure where this is coming from all of a sudden, but I'm not complaining.

I went on a date Wednesday night with this guy, (I'll call him ADD because he talks - a LOT). We had arranged to meet a week before (this was planned even before I met Bro) . See, I finally took the plunge and met a guy off that stupid dating website and you know what? He was really nice and very funny. It wasn't awkward at all and turned out we knew some of the same people.

He talked so much though and was really random with his attention span, I seriously think that boy needs some Riddlin. He was really funny, maybe because of the randomness?

I went out with him again, and his friend, last night. ADD realized he lost his wallet and started freaking out that he needed to cancel his credit cards ASAP (understandable) but was saying he can only do it from his home number or something because of the high limits on his cards, it's a protected account or something. I didn't really get it but he ended up leaving in a panic.

His friend was drinking so obviously couldn't drive but he lived across the street from where we were so he walked there and I was left stranded, I knew everyone at the bar so it wasn't a huge deal but I was still a bit pissed off.

ADD texted me half an hour later apologizing and I fully understand the freak-out about your wallet thing but at the same time, we had a blizzard here yesterday. It was absolutely impossible to get a cab. I tried for three hours (until 4 am); finally a girl from work drove me home.

I spoke with him today, he still hasn't found his wallet but he thinks it's in his friends car. He feels like an asshole for leaving me there but there were a bunch of people I knew there so it wasn't that bad I guess. Still, I can't decide if I want to even give him another chance?

Then there's Bro, who gets back to town tomorrow and I'm so excited to see him again. He's been texting me all week and called me Thursday afternoon just to say hi...we'll see how that one goes...


Weekend Fun, Yet Again

So we all know how much I love random weird stupid nights out, right? Last weekend I had another. See, I've been sick and also working two jobs. I got a second job at a piano bar two nights a week for some extra cash flow. So lately I haven't really been out very often.

Friday night I went out with Party-Girl (karaoke naturally) and to this rocker bar on the Red Mile afterward. It was an awesome night but relatively tame for the two of us. We ended up back at her place, and crashed shortly after. The next day we went shopping for ugly sweaters for our other friends Ugly Christmas Sweater party.

Oddly enough I had two ugly sweater parties to attend that weekend. The one I found isn't bad though, long and brown with that tiny diamond print, it's a V-neck. I would even probably wear it again. The selection for ugly was limited, sadly.

I worked Saturday night and was planning on heading to the party as soon as I was done. One of my tables bought me a glass of wine so after I finished work, I sat down at the bar to drink it.

These two guys, as soon as I walked in the bar, started talking to me and bought us three tequila shots. I was laughing with them because they were just SO random and funny but we went outside for a cigarette and it turned out I knew the one guy's sister, very well (I used to work for her for a year) so I'll call him Bro.

They invited me out with them, it was the weirdest thing - we all got along as if we'd met years ago and been friends forever. Joking around, making fun of each other, it was great. I told them about the sweater party and they basically said "Let's go!" first they wanted to stop off and change.

Well the sweater party never happened for us. His sister was home so we were all doing shots of tequila, playing "strip poker" (in which the girls always had clothing on, while the guys were in their tighty whities - the game may or may not have been rigged) . Next, the three of us (minus his sister) headed out to the bar.

The first bar we went to, Bro's friend, I'll call him RedBull (RB) got in a fight outside because he lent his jacket to these two girls. Their boyfriends showed up and didn't like that very much. needless to say we were out of there pretty quickly.

Next we headed to this dance place that has a rave room downstairs and Top 40 and oldies upstairs. It was actually pretty fun but the best was those two guys. They were making me laugh the entire time. I don't even remember what we were laughing about but I do know my stomach hurt the next day.

After that bar, we headed back to Bro's house and all of us passed out on various couches within the hour.

When I woke up RedBull was gone, and it was snowing like crazy outside. Bro made the two of us breakfast (well, BBQ chicken and cheese & crackers - the breakfast of champions). We sat around watching TV and talking for a few hours until RB came back to dissect the nights events, apologize for the fight and rehash the finer points. Bro's sister also got a kick out of the events.

Later that afternoon, Bro drove me from way in the Northwest of the city all the way to the very, very South in the blizzard style snow so that I could go to my other friends Ugly Sweater Party. After meeting a few of my friends, sticking around for a drink and making fun of everyone's sweaters, he drove me back up to my place and dropped me off.

But not before giving me a fabulous goodnight kiss.


Where to Meet Men (Part 2)

So last time I wrote about where to meet men, lots of you had some great ideas, therefore I've decided to do Part Two. Again, I haven't actually tried any of these, (that's a lie) nor did any of my last ideas pan out, but hey, what the hell right?

1. On a Blog

- Pros:
Any guy you meet on your or someone else' blog can obviously read
He's gotta have a sense of humor to be a blogger
He'll already know how you think and all your "secret" thoughts

- Cons
He'll most likely live hundreds of miles away at the very least
You can't hide anything from him

2. At the Bar

- Pros
He'll probably be just as drunk as you (thereby eliminating any embarrassing things you do)
He obviously likes to party and have a good time
You'll definitely get some action

- Cons
[see Pros]

3. Chamber of Commerce

- Pros
Either owns his own business or is high enough up in his company that he makes important decisions
You get to go to all sorts of fun! networking events

- Cons
Distinct possibility of being involved in some sort of tie choking accident
He's probably old enough to be your father

4. Culinary School

- Pros
Can obviously whip up an awesome meal
Has the possibility of being on his own show (famous by association y'all)
Will forever be entertaining guests with endless deliciousness

- Cons
Probably has dark brooding temper and moments of sheer rage
May be so tired from cooking all day he won't want to cook you food
Might earn less then the homeless man down the street

Alright, I'm off to test these theories out once again (for the good of all womankind). I'll be sure to let you know how it goes