My New BFF

While Calgary isn't exactly an international mecca of film making and success, we do get a fair number of celebrities to this here city. The Restaurant where I work is sort of attached to one of the hotels where a large portion of them stay and directly across from another very upscale hotel.

We usually have all the football players in whenever there's a game in Calgary (Roughriders, BC Lions, Alouettes etc. - for you Americans this means nothing), we've had Jane Seymour in (all the guys fell in love with her), Mila Kunis, Keisha Shante, LeAnne Rimes, Jason Preistly was in, Dean Cain, The Trailor Park Boys have been in twice (they are actually so funny in person). We've also had bands, musicians and dancers.

Some of the big names roll with an entourage but most of them just have a friend or two. Generally they come in, hang out and everyone leaves them alone.

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott have been spotted in and around town the last week or so. A few days ago they came into the Restaurant with their kids and a woman who was most likely the nanny. Of course everyone was like "omg it's Tori Spelling" but no one really approached them.

Last night while I was working, I realized that they were sitting at one of my tables in the lounge, (sans kids of course). He is gorgeous; she is tiny and even with no makeup still really pretty. I went up to them and we started chatting about our wines and then Sushi (she had a craving). I was trying to act like they were just any other table.

After I poured their wine (Amarone - my favorite), he asked me what my name was. I introduced myself and he shook my hand and said "I'm Dean," then she shook my hand and said "I'm Tori". I felt like saying "Obviously!" but I just said "nice to meet you!"

They had a glass of wine each and were going to eat but decided to get some sushi. They had half a bottle left so I just left it behind the bar and told them they could pay when they got back.

Three hours later, they show up again. They remembered my name and started telling me how bad the sushi was. I joked that they should have just stuck with our soup like they had originally planned.

As they were leaving I told them to have a good time here and I overheard her say "that was really nice, we should come back here". I couldn't believe how nice and down to earth they were; she almost seemed shy introducing herself, and they were so obviously in love (he kept calling her "mama") it was absolutely adorable.

Who says celebrities have to be snobs?


The Trump Way

I'm not trying to make anyone jealous here but I have some very exciting news to share...I'm sure it's only because of all the charitable work I've been doing. Well, that and let's face it, I am kind of a big deal.

See, I've been sent a very special personal invitation to join Donald Trump himself at a very exciting seminar held right here in Calgary. Not only was I personally invited but I received 2 complimentary VIP tickets. That's right bitches, Don and I are tight like that.

Apparently I'm going to learn about property investment and how to be a Real Estate mogul. It'll even teach me how to be my own boss Forever.

Now, the card only had a small sample of all the great things I'll be learning but it does put emphasis on the fact that (and I quote): "This is what I have learned the hard way, in the streets, fighting to grow my empire and fighting to stay on top"

I'm not really sure what kinds of things you learn on the streets of Park Avenue but I'm sure it'll be very eye-opening.

I'm pretty sure the signature is authentic and the card is hand-signed, after all what better things could he possibly be keeping busy with?

Don't worry, I won't forget about you while I'm off living my lavish lifestyle and making millions simply by looking at buildings.


Some More Irony

Remember Bro? Remember The Russian? If not and since you're all too lazy to click links I'm sure, I'll give you a very brief synopsis.

Bro is my old boss' brother. He's really nice and very charismatic; he was working up North so I hadn't seen him since Christmas. The Russian is my ex-boyfriend from High school who I hadn't seen since then until he came into my (old) work one day with his (kinda?) friends. He was the first guy I really cared about and we went through a lot together.

This is how my messed up life works...I hadn't seen either of them in a while and kind of even forgot about both of them since, you know, life happens.

Well Friday night guess who comes into the Restaurant and sits at my bar...Bro. He told me he was even going to call the restaurant to make sure that I was working but decided to just come see. Him and his friend hung out and drank for a couple hours, I chatted with him about his work and all that but I was really busy so didn't really get to talk too much.

As they were leaving, his friend paid and left $150 for the $137 bill. I was kind of upset about it because I had given them a discount and everything but whatever. Bro came back from the bathroom though and shook my hand, stealthily slipping me $40 in the process. He's back now from up North and won't be going back until next year so he said he'll call me and I guess we'll see where that goes!

As for The Russian, Saturday night I had a girls night with some friends. We drank a ton of wine and champagne and then headed out dancing. As I'm outside smoking, who do I see but the Russian walking towards me. He grabbed me in a big hug and started going on about he dropped his phone in beer or something so had obviously lost my number.

Him and his friend ended up hanging out with us girls for the rest of the night; dancing, drinking, all that fun stuff. I don't know if it's a Russian thing or what but he's very direct. He asked me if I had loved him, he told me that seeing me again must be fate (it is kinda strange that I didn't see him for over 7 years and then run into him twice in a few months, but fate? I dunno) and is totally comfortable asking potentially awkward questions.

He came over to my place after and it was fabulous. Gotta love not raising your numbers and still getting some. Especially when it's way better then you remember. We actually had a really good conversation in the morning about life in general, what's changed, what's the same, my parents divorce, his stint in the army, everything in general.

As he was leaving he said "I'll call you," to which I replied "like last time?" and laughed. He could only shake his head and point to his new phone, which is apparently not covered in beer.

Of course, seeing the two guys I kissed a few months ago, randomly in the same weekend, after not having seen either for over two months WOULD only happen to me.


A Very Special Award

Matt, I was just saving this one for you:


Two Posts & A Baby

Just kidding - there;s no baby - Tricked you !!

Guys, seriously it's TUESDAY night and here I am - drunk. It's my friends birthday and I had to down a bottle of wine before going out because I'm cheap amd don't want to spend money.

I also have a funny story about a gay guy hitting on me - seriously, it was awesome. Best. Compliment. Ever. Remind me to tell you or I'll totally forget. I'm awkward like that.

Anyway, this is the second drink blog in under a week - that spells bad news (or good times??) so I thin k really i should not get on the compurter after drinking a bottle to myself. I refuse to spell check this although it may break my heart reasindg (errm reading) it tomorrow and seeing how absol;utely awful I am at drunk typing. I always double (triple) chjeck but I won't allow it this time. (Must. Not. Change. Words.)

I just re-read this and am appalled at my spelling but such is life. Time to go par-tay with the drunk idiots now. I mean that in the nicest way possible - uI love therm, seriously.

Okay Rambkler McTalksALot - I'm out.

Drum Roll Please

This post is long overdue because I'm behind on everything and also, lazy.

I received a few wonderful awards - I love these things, they pretty up your page and make you feel good about yourself. We all need some love in February I think.

The first two are from the fabulous, brilliant Tova over at The Secret Life of Tova Darling. I love that girl, her Totally Awkward Tuesday posts always make me giggle because I'm an especially awkward person too.

Alright so this one is the "Premio Dardos" award which I guess means Darts Award:

"This award acknowledges the values that every Blogger displays in their effort to transmit cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values with each message they write. Awards like this have been created with the intention of promoting community among Bloggers. It's a way to show appreciation and gratitude for work that adds value to the Web."

Next up, the Friends (?) Award (I only won this because I knew what the hell the description meant by self-aggrandizement):

"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind of bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to three bloggers who must choose three more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

I especially like the part about how cleverly written the caption is. Whoever wrote that sure loves themselves. Awesome.

Last but not least, the talented and gorgeous LipSmacker from Lipstick Diaries gave me this award eons ago, and I sort of dropped the ball but I love it!

So thank you ladies, you're awesome!

The first award I'd like to give to the clever and always captivating Errant Gosling who lives in his Aerie; the ever witty Ben, who has so many awards he'll need a new shelf soon (and he deserves every one) over at No Ordinary Rollercoaster; and the sarcastic, lovable BeckEye at The Pop Eye

The second award I think should go to Alice over at Alice's Wonderland (because great minds really do think alike), the adorable Angela at My Quiet Testimony, and the hilarious Paula at *Insert My Blog Name Here*

The third award I'd like to pass along to Miss D over at Shallow and Very, Very Single, the fabulous MegKathleen at Golightly, and the amazing Chele (and her alter ego Laila) at The Tambourine Queen.


Drunk Bloggingh

The worst part og that title is that i was trying to be clevr and say blunk drogging but messed up and put it thr right way instead. I only know I'm drunk. Sleep time


Alice's Advice

Reading one of the ever hilarious Brandy's posts, in which she was talking about a wine hangover, I realized that I knew the cure for this debilitating condition. Which then made me think that maybe I actually know more about Stuff That Matters then I thought I did. So without further ado here is the first segment of: Alice's Advice

1. The secret to enjoying wine hangover-less: try taking an antihistamine (like Claritin) either before you drink the wine or right before you go to sleep. There are a lot of histamines in wine which can cause headaches and that general crappy I-Want-to-Kill-Myself feeling

Also, if you are drinking red wine try having a cup of black tea before you drink the wine and maybe another one after a few glasses. You might feel like an idiot ordering tea at a wine bar but trust me, the bioflavonoids in tea counteract the histamines that cause headaches.

2. Another great hangover cure (after a night of heavy Vodka consumption for example) is to drink anything green. A shot of wheat grass is number one, with that Happy Planet Green Machine (or something - I dunno the name but it's green) drink coming in a close second. Guzzle that crap back and you'll feel just dandy in half an hour (that's what she said).

3. Body wash does not work as shampoo. Neither does bubble bath.

4. If you have a very common first and last name, don't fly a short distance, on standby, last minute, over the US border. Even white girls get strip searched.

5. When on a first date save the stupid questions for once the relationship gets boring. If you want to know what I do for fun, ask me to plan a date. Don't ask me what I do for fun, I'm certain my answer won't be what you want to hear.

6. Getting a friend to call in sick to work for you only works if it is not 3 in the morning and if said friend is not as obliterated on cheap beer as you are.

Alright kids, there you have it. Some sage words of advice, I tell you. Need any answers to life's tough questions? Unsure how to get the soap scum off your mirror? Well, don't ask me. That's what Yahoo answers are for.


Irony is Awesome

I was supposed to go meet Frenchie for coffee after work today but was running a bit late. I saw the train coming and decided that I didn't have time to pay for the ticket.

In Calgary it's an honor-system basically, and the only one in North America that actually makes money. Usually, even though I'm one stop outside of the free fare zone (downtown it's free to ride the train), I'll pay for it. The transit cops like to sit at my stop and hand out $150 tickets and I'd really rather not be paying for their coffees for the month.

Anyway, today I didn't have time so I ran across the street and into the door of the train right before it shut. Suddenly I got a gut feeling that the transit cops (I use the term "cop" loosely) would be there, in fact I almost got off the train downtown to buy a ticket and wait for the next one.

We arrive at my stop and, of course, the cops are standing on the platform. Luckily I was on the last car so I just ducked into the next one while they were busy checking everyone on the platforms tickets. I can't afford $150. Also, I didn't pay my last C-train ticket (I sound like a criminal here) so I'm not sure what they do to you, haul you off to pseudo-jail? Fine you double? I really didn't want to find out.

I get to the next stop only to realize that there's no sidewalk and the only way to get to my house is down a busy road that is currently covered in slush, mud and ice. I'm tiptoeing around in this in my stilettos when I suddenly realize that a sidewalk has appeared across the street. In my excitement I started to cross and then see a car heading straight for me.

"Shit, shit, shit," I started yelling as I continued running to cross - another car coming the opposite direction came out of nowhere and I was almost toast. I made it to the other side and realized that I couldn't breath. Whether from my asthma, the cold, the panic or what, I don't know but I started gasping for air.

I slowly made my way down the hill knowing that my inhaler was at my house, a few blocks away. I finally made it home; wet, cold, gasping for breath and shaken.

The reason I was running late? I was at a Health & Safety meeting.