Not to Mention the Pool, The Parties, The Gambling and I Mean Too Much Awesome to Fit Into A Suitcase

Like, I mean, here's what I looked like at the start of Vegas:

(@lelandstrott and @Jennbizzle - I effing heart you ladies like, pink elevator, rainbow heart you)

And here's basically what I look like now:

Except for that bump looks more like @ihatesomuch's concussed head.

Well, ok - maybe I look more like this:

I lay by the pool for about 6 billion hours on Monday and have the burn to prove it. See the red/white line? Representing Canada - hollaaaaa (@Lbluca77 - that's actually Hallaa to us Canadians, right?) and ya I'm totally in a washroom - and I didn't bathe in it.

Some favorite memories?

I picked up so many Americanisms - @ChelsTalksSmack put it best when she said: "I mean, I need to stop saying I mean before everything. Especially since I'm talking to myself. #BiSC has changed me" - because yes, I KEEP saying it.

@Lbluca77 may have made fun of my accent, but in a way that made me laugh-cry. I miss your face!

Discovering that @manderzmusings roommate is a guy I used to work with, how small are you world?

@RSub27's dance moves - let's just say I will be posting a video re-cap interpretive dance style in the very near future

The awesome eyeliner face that was @bboudreau for like 3 days. If your guyliner doesn't want to be removed it won't be removed. Trust.

Real! Vegas! Strippers! with @mandymooreblogr - girl you are a character. PS - I dare you to ask her about Chat Roulette.

Lunch at Margaritaville with awesome amazing bloggers while debating doing the scavenger hunt because we were all rainbow hungover. (I did and it was fabulous)

Also, my bikini bottom for sure fell off in front of a random guy on my way to the bathroom. So I did what any normal person would do, I nonchalantly scooped it up and said "That's mine"

I mean, thanks Captain Obvious.

My beautiful roommates who packed my suitcase for me and were all around amazing. Even though we didn't spend that much time together, I adore you all.

(@aliceaveragelnd @manderzmuings @staceyparadise @lelandsrott)

The awesome hilarious fake retweet shenanigans, and when @RSub27 stole @LivItLuvIt's phone to post this: "@RSub27 is so hot. If I didn't have a bf I would sex him"

Walking through the Bellagio and New York, New York with @nicolerelyea on the last day. Honestly I'm so glad I got to hang out with you, even if I started feeling particularly stabby when you left, I recovered nicely I think.

Shots with Ali (do you twitter Ali?!) and @kathleenparkerb while she tried to keep her mustache on

The Sex Toy Closet in @nicoleisbetter and group's room. One word: Sextastic (thanks Toy With Me!)

Meeting @Lelandstrott on the very first day, enjoying a delicious drink (or two with her before the shenanigans began. You are amazing and your deliriously excited disposition is contagious. You saved my life mama!

Laugh-crying at the Princess story (Just ask Leland to tell you her favorite/least favorite childhood/adult story) and how @jamievaron and I managed to turn this map:

into a story about a clitoris. Because, I mean, who wouldn't see a vagina there? "And THIS huge area - that's where men THINK the clit is" Story-time WIN.


Also when the security at the airport randomly checked my purse and found the stripper cards @RSub27 and I meticulously organized into most hot to least hot, and then security pulled out my brand new We-Vibe (ummm thanks again @ToyWithMe!) and raised an eyebrow at me while asking: "Have fun in Vegas?"

Um yes, yes I did...


PS - This post was brought to you by my left index (AND middle) finger, so not one finger, but two and also with a little help from my right index finger - you know to hit the shift key. And the Enter key, FTW!

Not Even I Can Keep Track

So, I realize that occasionally I'll mention a friend of mine here on this blog o' mine. Sometimes it doesn't really matter if you have a clue who I'm talking about or not. Sometimes it makes it funnier if you DO know who the hell I'm rambling on about.

To make matters less complicated, here is my very own cast and crew:

The Women:

Blondie: The name basically speaks for itself - she's blonde. She's hilarious. She's one of my best friends. We've been to Cuba, PEI, Halifax, Shuswaps, the Badlands and Kananaskis together, we figured out that since we got our passports the same day that means we are destined to be travel-buddies. Also, she thinks I'm psychic and smart so having her around is good for the ego.

PartyGirl (nickname given to her by some of my less crazy friends): I've known her since Elementary although we only really became good friends after High School when we randomly ran into each other while each working our respective downtown office jobs. She has a new boyfriend that she now lives with but she's still awesome fun to party with.

Boobie McGee: (kinda self-explanatory) she's younger then the rest of us, kind of crazy, gets angry when drunk, but is always amusing. Prime example: she broke her wrist before houseboating and cut off her own cast with a jigsaw so she could go in the water.

Frenchie: I know her because my crazy ex and her husband worked together. Then I worked with them (the boys), then they introduced us (the girls). Frenchie was sure she was going to hate me but miraculously we got along just peachy. We're still friends even though douche ex and I broke up and her hubby PA isn't friends with him anymore. Ha ha I win.

Hiker: She is my manager at The Restaurant, and a really big sweetheart. She likes to go out of town to Banff, Kananaskis, Drumheller etc. to go hiking (hence the name) and usually Blondie and I tag along. She is our 'responsible' friend.

The Men:

(Ex)Pseudo-bf: Not my boyfriend, never was my boyfriend for the 2 years we 'hung out'. Complicated story, I wrote about it here. Sometimes I mention him, or possibly his new ex(!) girlfriend T-Bone.

O/N: So called because he was my Old/New guy. I used to date him in High School and ran into him at the bar one night last year. We had a brief fling where we'd hang out, go for drinks, all that fun stuff. I haven't talked to him in a while but every now and then...

Brown Paper Bag Boys (BPBBs): Blondie and I work with one of these guys, who she is now dating (that would be Hyper). They are wicked fun although sometimes do stupid things. There are about 5 main guys in this group. In the spirit of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs I'll call them: Hyper, Grumpy, Shy, Cocky, and Sleepy

The Co-workers:

This section needs some major updating...someday


The Fam:

Dizzy: Writes a great blog about attachment parenting, and lives too far away from me. Her husband is great and helps me with technologically advanced things so I'll call him Techie. They have an adorable 2 year old daughter (who calls herself MeMe so that will be her pseudonym) and another bun in the oven! Dizzy reads my blog so...

Must. Always. Say. Nice. Things...

Just kidding. She's great, I wish they lived closer though.

SK & SL : My younger twin sisters - get the lowdown here. People seem to think we're triplets a lot which is funny because they are ten times skinnier then me and 4 years younger (victory is mine!!) well, either that or I just look like the slightly chunky oldest triplet.

So, there you have it - I'm sure the list will grow so if you're ever confused, pop on by.

See? Some People Love Me

Okay, okay so she's my sister and therefore HAS to love me (I can't make you un-my sister*)

But still, I got my very first award from the lovely Attachedmama (aka Dizzy) over at Living in Harmony where she writes about her adorable little daughter, parenting and all that fun stuff. (Un?)luckily for me it's not a severed goats head but instead a very sincere little token of love (I may have added my own personal touch to it).

The rules are easy (so even you can follow along):
1. The winner can put the logo on their blog
2. Link the person you received the award from
3. Nominate 7 other blogs
4. Put links of those blogs on yours
5. Leave a message on the blogs nominated

Now who to pass this gem onto? Well, by process of randomly, drunkenly twirling my monitor around and seeing where my finger lands (or is that how I decide where to vacation next - I can never remember) - I've decided on the following bloggers (in no particular order):

Falwless - She is, as her name indicates, pretty falwless. Plus her blog is Lots Better Than Your Blog. No but really, she's hilarious, witty, sarcastic, rude and probably drunk 72% of the time. Her blog makes me pee my pants a little - at entries like this about McCain's old age, and causes me to spit coffee on the monitor at least once a day. Plus apparently she has a pet monkey and an eyepatch. How could you go wrong?

Dr. Zibbs - Wins for most random, politically-incorrect, self-serving blog ever. Take the time he forced his loyal readers into slave labor. He also likes to make fun of others**, which is always good for a laugh. Plus his comments are always inappropriate and therefore awesome.

Ben - Ben likes nuts! And Ribs! Wait, he's a vegetarian so scratch that last one. Ben has dogs and hilarious stories about said dogs. He also has hilarious stories about life in general. The other great thing is that since Ben is 4 hours ahead of me, I get to read his blogs first thing in the morning when I get to work. Who doesn't like a good unicycle story first thing in the morning?

The Mean Girls - I can't pick just one of these girls, they're all freakin hilarious. If you combined the glamour of Marilyn with the outrageousness of the Kardashians you'd have an idea of how fab these girls are. 4 inch Stiletto gives great travel advice and knows how to throw a party, the Alleged Ringleader always knows where the party is, and how to secure a man and Lilo loves sex talk (and talking sex).

Blood Red Roses - my first commenter EVER and luckily for me she happens to be witty, charming and real. She writes in a perfectly self-deprecating style while managing to be sarcastic and lovable.

Pistols at Dawn - Constantly writing about his FAILures (you know it's bad when the homeless get more action than you) and changing the world - one crappy TV show at a time. Pistols may be creepy and unbathed but at least he knows how to get out of awkward situations.

Lyla-Lou - This gal has been with me since my blogging beginning. She has an ex-bf who lives with her (I know, right?) and a newly acquired little friend. She writes about alternate uses for meat cleavers and serious things like relationships. Lyla is the kind of girl I would sit on a balcony with and we'd drink oodles of wine, bitch about men and then go find some hotties to take away the misery.

Just remember, I heart a million of you but could only pass the cheer on to 7.

Now since these 14 billion links will keep you busy all morning, go check them out but make sure you have a change of underwear because you'll be laughing your ass off***

*Bonus points if you get that reference...anyone?
** Falwless
*** Not a 100% guarantee. If you have no sense of humor don't bother clicking